Thank God my fears relieved!

Well... it has been FAR too long since I have blogged anything on here.  I think it is about time that I get back to my project that I had started!  Annnnd Femara was a success!  I was actually ovulatory for the first time ever June 2010!  I was so very excited, and that excitement was short lived.  I am unsure as to whether my body was in complete shock or what exactly happened.  I have come to know and understand that everything happens for a reason.  God has a plan for everything, and his timing in perfect even if it isn't the true desire of our own hearts.  My first month of ovulation my husband and I were able to concieve, however the pregnancy did not take.  I was beyond crushed.  It was without a doubt the hardest thing I have ever endired.  Countless nights of sobbing in my husbands arms begging for answers he truly couldn't give.  My biggest question... What did I do in my life to make God find me unfit to become a mother.  I had lost so much faith in God, and now looking back on it all... I can clearly see that God was working in me.  Even though I was not working in Him.  On November 23, 2010, my Dr. had blood work drawn and confirmed that we were FINALLY expecting our first baby.  I truly could not believe it was finally happening.  My prayers and dreams were being answered.  I, of course, was worried about EVERY little cramp and ache since we had already lost one pregnancy.  But I am happy to report that we now have the most beautiful & happy son.  God has BLESSED us far more than we could ever deserve.  I have a firm tesitmony and faith in Him.  So for all you ladies out there that think that PCOS is the murderer of your dreams.  Have faith.  <3 jan.="jan." p="p">
Meet:

Cade Hendrix Vanover
07/07/2011 @7:29 P.M.
8 lbs. 6 oz.  & 20 inches long.

Cade has just had his first birthday.  So I have a lot of catching up to do, stay tuned and I will add more pictures and stories of new found motherhood.

HORMONES!!! Friend or Foe?!

Ok so I have gone through my first round of Femara.  When taking the medication, days 3-7, I had no problems, no side effects or anything.  However... I am now on day 19 and this last week has been a loopy rollcoaster ride.  I can definitely tell a major change in my hormones!!!  I have been so irritable, and moody!!  I have had MAJOR cravings... mostly for mild buffalo wings.... bone in please. LOL.  Like almost every stinking day... and the good ole tender boobies, and even some nausea and vomiting.  I thought ok... with all of this going on it is such a tease and getting my hopes up!!  I know it is all just my hormones, but how in the world am I supposed to get a hint that I am pregnant when I have all this mess going on??  I have just randomly started crying over some of the most random things, and have been so sensitive and needy.  GAH!  I just have not been feeling myself AT ALL.  I am going on Saturday morning to get my bloodwork done to see if I have ovulated.  I have been doing the over the counter tests and so far they have all read negative.  I think I am going to be calling the DR. office and having a talk about getting an HCG shot and what the deal is with all that... All I can say is WOW!  This Femara is I-N-T-E-R-E-S-T-I-N-G!!!!!

Femara Bo Mara Fee Fi Fo Mara....

I am reallllllly slacking with this blog.  I have had so so much going on in the last month though.  I lost my hero, my Grandma Gloria Jean Briley Mayfield... I have been in a bit of a coma... kind of like I am walking around in a bubble.  And to make matters worse, I have turned 28 years old.  Where does all this time go?!

I had my blood work done last month and surprise surprise again I didn't ovulate.  Depressing.  I have started a new drug now, Femara.  I find it very interesting that this is not a fertility drug... it is a drug use for breast cancer.  I of course did some online research... (http://www.ivf1.com/letrozole-femara-infertility/)
I am finding that it is commonly used for infertility with women that are estrogen dominant.  I am also finding out that women with PCOS typically do not respond well with Clomid also.  I guess I can see the Dr.'s point that you won't know until you try, but hindsight is always 20/20 and it tells me that it was a major waste of time. well dinner is ready.... I will post again real soon!!!

Sweet Dreams

It has been a while since I have posted anything.  My apologies.  Well Monday (today is Friday now) I called the doctor's office and got the verdict of my bloodwork.  Apparently despite the good sized follicle I had developed, I did not ovulate.  I was on the final/highest dosage of Clomid... which to be honest makes me wonder if there is really anything out there that is going to help me.  Frustrating is a not a fair word to use to describe all of this.  I do try to continue to be optimistic, but sometimes it literally makes me feel like it takes everything that I have to accomplish that.  Going through this makes one take a look at themselves and wonder why.  Why is it that God made all of this part of his plan?  Is there something that I did to not deserve the desires of my heart?  Is there something that he is protecting a little angel from or protecting us from?  It makes me take a look at every aspect of my life, even from when I was a little girl praying that one day I be a wonderful mother.  Now I am just praying to even become a mother.  How ironic is that?  I try not to throw myself a pity party, but I do feel these are fair questions.  These are the things I think and ponder while try to fall asleep.  And then something so wonderful came to me.  My Grandpa, my hero, rock, everything I looked up to, passed away August 06, 2007.  Tonight he came to me in a dream.  In my dream we were celebrating our brithdays (His was May 24th and mine is May 25th) and we were all singing Happy Birthday to him.  I couldn't help but wrap my arms so tightly around him and hug with tears streaming down my face.  He kissed me on top of my head and tells me, "Everything is going to be ok."  Then I wake up, crying.  And I know that he meant it, everything really is going to be ok.  Everything will happen all in good time and when it does it is going to feel like the whole world has stopped moving and heaven has come to earth!

< 3  Janice

And the survey says....

Sorry I have been addicted to playing Family Feud on Facebook.  :)  I am in such a better mood today.  Although I did get bad news at the Dr. office.... I did get some pretty good news too.  And it makes me feel SO much better.  So, I went into the Dr.'s office upset... because I just knew that it was too late for me to get the hcg shot... and it was another month "wasted."  And low and behold when I finally get seen by the doc (after over an hour of waiting)  he confirms what I already knew.  I was discouraged... but then he went on to tell me that after looking at my ultrasound that I had developed a nice sized cyst... about the size of a grape.  Which he said was great news... ("Once the egg is ready, the follicle ruptures and the egg is released. Thus the follicle is a fluid­filled cyst that ruptures when you ovulate." From Article: "Health Square: What You Need To Know About Ovarian Cysts, page 2 Common Types")

So I will be going next Thursday to get bloodwork done to see if I ovulated or not, because he seems to feel that it is probable! Super excited about that, just to know that I am not completely broken.  I will be sure and blog again about the results and next steps.  But I am VERY optimistic!!  No more feeling blue! 

Anger.... it is an understatement!

I haven't posted in a while, everything has been kinda crazy.  What with my Grandma being very sick and just dealing with stress all the way around!  Wow, where do I even begin on this topic of anger.  The part that I hate the most is the waiting!  No, wait, it is the constantly fighting the losing battle against my WEIGHT!  Yeah, I think that is the worst part, but after that it is definitely the wait.  Nothing gets under my skin more than having to tell a nurse what she is supposed to do, especially after she is the one who told me what the game plan was.  So, let's start with my last Doctor appointment.... At that point the game plan was that he was going to put me on the highest dosage of chlomid, and on days 10-13 he would schedule for me to have an ultrasound to see how my follicles were developing.  Basically if they were getting to the point to where they were just about to rupture an egg, he would give me an Hcg shot to push that little eggie on outta there and voila an ovulation.  As I had understood it, this was something that had a time limit... something that was kind of a rush procedure because the clock was ticking in the little window for me to be able to get the shot.  WELL... OK.  Ultrasound day gets here, and might I add it had to rescheduled for day 12 because good ole nursie scheduled it previously for day 9 which would have been a COMPLETE waste.  So ok... 8 am and I am being helped on the exam table.  They get that little warm gel stuff and put on my tummy and the Ultrasound tech (whom was SO super nice) proceeded... what I hate is that the monitor is turned away from you... so you can't see ANYTHING!!!  UGH!  So she clicks around and takes the pictures with the ultrasound and then proceeds to tell me that I am also having a transvaginal ultrasound also.  Now you can imagine my surprise... my reaction was, in hindsight, hilarious.  "Pump the brakes sister, what?!"  Yes you guessed the good ole nursie failed to mention I was going to have a huge instrument of ginormous proportions placed somewhere I didn't think it would fit, and was very uncomfortable.  No matter how nice a nurse/tech can be there is nothing worse than small talk during a procedure that is taking place in the southern regions.  Men would agree small talk during a prostate exam is unwelcome, and uncomfortable on MULTIPLE levels.  Same goes for the ladies fellas!!  Lemme tell!  So... after I have been medically taken advantage of (for lack of a better terminology) the tech lets me know the radiologist would read the results that very day and call the Dr. office.  Well, I know I am living in BFE East Texas and anything done at the hospital is SLOW as Christmas.  I waited to get a call from the office later that day, because I had it done at 8am... I was the first paitent and I know for a fact the records are electronically sent and can be read in a matter of seconds... I know I've witnessed it myself with cardiologists when I worked a cardiac wing.  No phone call came, and yet I was NOT surprised.  Next day I call the Dr. office @ 2:14pm... and low and behold the nurse informs me that they had not received the results yet, and that they should have them by the end of the week... I was like ok... Well the more I thought about it... the more it didn't make any sense to me to have to wait almost a week to have the Dr. read something that can be emailed right over... and furthermore I was under the impression that it was to read ASAP because we only had a small window to work in. Sooooo... I call this afternoon and I got the same exact answer, but this time I did a little chewing. :)  I reminded her that I was under the impression it was to be read ASAP because of the procdures that we were going to take with the HCG shot... this I think opened her lazy little eyes... because miraculously after about 3 minute hold, she had the ultrasound and had to "figure out" some way for the Dr. to be able to read it.  Yes... so I explained also that by dragging her feet and having the mentality that it will get sent just whenever it gets sent... I had more than likely missed my window and that I was VERY unhappy because guess who paid for an ultrasound for no reason... You got it... I did.  I have an appointment tomorrow, and I am really glad because I can talk to the Dr. face to face and I will be giving him an ear full.  At this rate, with little nursie drawing a paycheck and not being proactive with her paitents... We are never going to have a baby.  UGH!

Just breathe.

Today is day of sheer frustration.  Optimism is slowly dwindling away, and anger floods over me.  Why do I have to go through all this CRAP!  If my health issues weren't enough of an issue, now I am debating changing doctors.  Not that my docotor is bad... he is actually the best doctor I have ever seen!!  The nursing staff however is making my already frustrating journey even more frustrating.  I have often pondered what happens if a mistake is made?  And who pays for it?  I have learned that the answer is [NOTHING] and you have to pay for it!  I have called into my Dr. office to see about getting my Rx refilled, and I am talking about Rx I have to take on a daily basis.  I am told I have to come in for a doctor's visit to get them refilled.  Upon my arrival and talking to the doctor about why I came in... he informs me that in the future they can just call in the refills.  A $300 doctor visit for virtually no reason... money thrown away and wasted... TIME wasted.   My most recent disappointment... I was scheduled for an ultrasound, to make sure my follicles are developing properly.  I was told it had to be done between certain dates.  After thinking about it... I realize that the date set for my ultrasound was a day early so I decided it is to be safe than sorry... so I called the Dr's Ofc.  Low and behold not only was it 1 day early but 3 days early and I had to have a last minute reschedule.  Had I just went with the flow and gone anyway it would have been completely wasted... on SO many levels.  Another month wasted... $500 wasted on a ultrasound that was too early... Sometimes it just feels like the cards are stacked up so high against us.  Please keep us in your prayers.... from looks of it we need every single one we can get!!!