HORMONES!!! Friend or Foe?!

Ok so I have gone through my first round of Femara.  When taking the medication, days 3-7, I had no problems, no side effects or anything.  However... I am now on day 19 and this last week has been a loopy rollcoaster ride.  I can definitely tell a major change in my hormones!!!  I have been so irritable, and moody!!  I have had MAJOR cravings... mostly for mild buffalo wings.... bone in please. LOL.  Like almost every stinking day... and the good ole tender boobies, and even some nausea and vomiting.  I thought ok... with all of this going on it is such a tease and getting my hopes up!!  I know it is all just my hormones, but how in the world am I supposed to get a hint that I am pregnant when I have all this mess going on??  I have just randomly started crying over some of the most random things, and have been so sensitive and needy.  GAH!  I just have not been feeling myself AT ALL.  I am going on Saturday morning to get my bloodwork done to see if I have ovulated.  I have been doing the over the counter tests and so far they have all read negative.  I think I am going to be calling the DR. office and having a talk about getting an HCG shot and what the deal is with all that... All I can say is WOW!  This Femara is I-N-T-E-R-E-S-T-I-N-G!!!!!

Femara Bo Mara Fee Fi Fo Mara....

I am reallllllly slacking with this blog.  I have had so so much going on in the last month though.  I lost my hero, my Grandma Gloria Jean Briley Mayfield... I have been in a bit of a coma... kind of like I am walking around in a bubble.  And to make matters worse, I have turned 28 years old.  Where does all this time go?!

I had my blood work done last month and surprise surprise again I didn't ovulate.  Depressing.  I have started a new drug now, Femara.  I find it very interesting that this is not a fertility drug... it is a drug use for breast cancer.  I of course did some online research... (http://www.ivf1.com/letrozole-femara-infertility/)
I am finding that it is commonly used for infertility with women that are estrogen dominant.  I am also finding out that women with PCOS typically do not respond well with Clomid also.  I guess I can see the Dr.'s point that you won't know until you try, but hindsight is always 20/20 and it tells me that it was a major waste of time. well dinner is ready.... I will post again real soon!!!

Sweet Dreams

It has been a while since I have posted anything.  My apologies.  Well Monday (today is Friday now) I called the doctor's office and got the verdict of my bloodwork.  Apparently despite the good sized follicle I had developed, I did not ovulate.  I was on the final/highest dosage of Clomid... which to be honest makes me wonder if there is really anything out there that is going to help me.  Frustrating is a not a fair word to use to describe all of this.  I do try to continue to be optimistic, but sometimes it literally makes me feel like it takes everything that I have to accomplish that.  Going through this makes one take a look at themselves and wonder why.  Why is it that God made all of this part of his plan?  Is there something that I did to not deserve the desires of my heart?  Is there something that he is protecting a little angel from or protecting us from?  It makes me take a look at every aspect of my life, even from when I was a little girl praying that one day I be a wonderful mother.  Now I am just praying to even become a mother.  How ironic is that?  I try not to throw myself a pity party, but I do feel these are fair questions.  These are the things I think and ponder while try to fall asleep.  And then something so wonderful came to me.  My Grandpa, my hero, rock, everything I looked up to, passed away August 06, 2007.  Tonight he came to me in a dream.  In my dream we were celebrating our brithdays (His was May 24th and mine is May 25th) and we were all singing Happy Birthday to him.  I couldn't help but wrap my arms so tightly around him and hug with tears streaming down my face.  He kissed me on top of my head and tells me, "Everything is going to be ok."  Then I wake up, crying.  And I know that he meant it, everything really is going to be ok.  Everything will happen all in good time and when it does it is going to feel like the whole world has stopped moving and heaven has come to earth!

< 3  Janice

And the survey says....

Sorry I have been addicted to playing Family Feud on Facebook.  :)  I am in such a better mood today.  Although I did get bad news at the Dr. office.... I did get some pretty good news too.  And it makes me feel SO much better.  So, I went into the Dr.'s office upset... because I just knew that it was too late for me to get the hcg shot... and it was another month "wasted."  And low and behold when I finally get seen by the doc (after over an hour of waiting)  he confirms what I already knew.  I was discouraged... but then he went on to tell me that after looking at my ultrasound that I had developed a nice sized cyst... about the size of a grape.  Which he said was great news... ("Once the egg is ready, the follicle ruptures and the egg is released. Thus the follicle is a fluid­filled cyst that ruptures when you ovulate." From Article: "Health Square: What You Need To Know About Ovarian Cysts, page 2 Common Types")

So I will be going next Thursday to get bloodwork done to see if I ovulated or not, because he seems to feel that it is probable! Super excited about that, just to know that I am not completely broken.  I will be sure and blog again about the results and next steps.  But I am VERY optimistic!!  No more feeling blue! 

Anger.... it is an understatement!

I haven't posted in a while, everything has been kinda crazy.  What with my Grandma being very sick and just dealing with stress all the way around!  Wow, where do I even begin on this topic of anger.  The part that I hate the most is the waiting!  No, wait, it is the constantly fighting the losing battle against my WEIGHT!  Yeah, I think that is the worst part, but after that it is definitely the wait.  Nothing gets under my skin more than having to tell a nurse what she is supposed to do, especially after she is the one who told me what the game plan was.  So, let's start with my last Doctor appointment.... At that point the game plan was that he was going to put me on the highest dosage of chlomid, and on days 10-13 he would schedule for me to have an ultrasound to see how my follicles were developing.  Basically if they were getting to the point to where they were just about to rupture an egg, he would give me an Hcg shot to push that little eggie on outta there and voila an ovulation.  As I had understood it, this was something that had a time limit... something that was kind of a rush procedure because the clock was ticking in the little window for me to be able to get the shot.  WELL... OK.  Ultrasound day gets here, and might I add it had to rescheduled for day 12 because good ole nursie scheduled it previously for day 9 which would have been a COMPLETE waste.  So ok... 8 am and I am being helped on the exam table.  They get that little warm gel stuff and put on my tummy and the Ultrasound tech (whom was SO super nice) proceeded... what I hate is that the monitor is turned away from you... so you can't see ANYTHING!!!  UGH!  So she clicks around and takes the pictures with the ultrasound and then proceeds to tell me that I am also having a transvaginal ultrasound also.  Now you can imagine my surprise... my reaction was, in hindsight, hilarious.  "Pump the brakes sister, what?!"  Yes you guessed the good ole nursie failed to mention I was going to have a huge instrument of ginormous proportions placed somewhere I didn't think it would fit, and was very uncomfortable.  No matter how nice a nurse/tech can be there is nothing worse than small talk during a procedure that is taking place in the southern regions.  Men would agree small talk during a prostate exam is unwelcome, and uncomfortable on MULTIPLE levels.  Same goes for the ladies fellas!!  Lemme tell!  So... after I have been medically taken advantage of (for lack of a better terminology) the tech lets me know the radiologist would read the results that very day and call the Dr. office.  Well, I know I am living in BFE East Texas and anything done at the hospital is SLOW as Christmas.  I waited to get a call from the office later that day, because I had it done at 8am... I was the first paitent and I know for a fact the records are electronically sent and can be read in a matter of seconds... I know I've witnessed it myself with cardiologists when I worked a cardiac wing.  No phone call came, and yet I was NOT surprised.  Next day I call the Dr. office @ 2:14pm... and low and behold the nurse informs me that they had not received the results yet, and that they should have them by the end of the week... I was like ok... Well the more I thought about it... the more it didn't make any sense to me to have to wait almost a week to have the Dr. read something that can be emailed right over... and furthermore I was under the impression that it was to read ASAP because we only had a small window to work in. Sooooo... I call this afternoon and I got the same exact answer, but this time I did a little chewing. :)  I reminded her that I was under the impression it was to be read ASAP because of the procdures that we were going to take with the HCG shot... this I think opened her lazy little eyes... because miraculously after about 3 minute hold, she had the ultrasound and had to "figure out" some way for the Dr. to be able to read it.  Yes... so I explained also that by dragging her feet and having the mentality that it will get sent just whenever it gets sent... I had more than likely missed my window and that I was VERY unhappy because guess who paid for an ultrasound for no reason... You got it... I did.  I have an appointment tomorrow, and I am really glad because I can talk to the Dr. face to face and I will be giving him an ear full.  At this rate, with little nursie drawing a paycheck and not being proactive with her paitents... We are never going to have a baby.  UGH!

Just breathe.

Today is day of sheer frustration.  Optimism is slowly dwindling away, and anger floods over me.  Why do I have to go through all this CRAP!  If my health issues weren't enough of an issue, now I am debating changing doctors.  Not that my docotor is bad... he is actually the best doctor I have ever seen!!  The nursing staff however is making my already frustrating journey even more frustrating.  I have often pondered what happens if a mistake is made?  And who pays for it?  I have learned that the answer is [NOTHING] and you have to pay for it!  I have called into my Dr. office to see about getting my Rx refilled, and I am talking about Rx I have to take on a daily basis.  I am told I have to come in for a doctor's visit to get them refilled.  Upon my arrival and talking to the doctor about why I came in... he informs me that in the future they can just call in the refills.  A $300 doctor visit for virtually no reason... money thrown away and wasted... TIME wasted.   My most recent disappointment... I was scheduled for an ultrasound, to make sure my follicles are developing properly.  I was told it had to be done between certain dates.  After thinking about it... I realize that the date set for my ultrasound was a day early so I decided it is to be safe than sorry... so I called the Dr's Ofc.  Low and behold not only was it 1 day early but 3 days early and I had to have a last minute reschedule.  Had I just went with the flow and gone anyway it would have been completely wasted... on SO many levels.  Another month wasted... $500 wasted on a ultrasound that was too early... Sometimes it just feels like the cards are stacked up so high against us.  Please keep us in your prayers.... from looks of it we need every single one we can get!!!

Knightingdale: The Tradition Continues??

Ok.  This post isn't really going to be too much about PCOS.  :)  Something fun I think!  I am actively on babycenter.com it has lots of helpful forums and groups for other women that are TTC (Trying To Conceive) and sometimes you can get some really interesting threads.  One I ran into was of course about baby names... This particular article was about names in their family tree going back to the 1500's & got me to thinking....  As some of you may know (my family especially) on my mother's side of my family we have some pretty uncommon names... and with that I have felt the need to carry on that tradition.  I LOVE that we have some pretty cool names... you don't hear them that often and it makes them original and cool.  I understand not everyone shares my same view points on this, but like some families have a tradition of naming their child after their father for the last 7 generations or naming all their boys with the same initials or  naming their daughters with a name beginning with the same letter... this is something I intend to hold true to as well... Now keep in mind my husband doesn't exactly feel as great about it as I do, so he reels me in on my crazy hairbrained ideas sometimes i.e. I will not be naming my daughter Margo as I had once dreamed... literally had dreams of giving birth to a babygirl and naming her Margo. Cool I thought, he didn't agree LOL. So, this got me to thinking.... if some people think some of the names like Maeve or Deacon are weird and unusual... I wonder what crazy names lie hidden in my family tree?!?  SO.  I looked. :D  I pulled up ancestry.com and this is what I came up with... Now keep in mind this is from only 1 line of my family tree, which has to be the Summers side on my paternal Grandmother's side.  These were the CRAZZZZZY names I found... Get ready to say whatthaheck?!?!  (Note: I fully intend of using my father's middle name.  I think it is way cool and has a sense of chivlry to it... 'Knight' Cool huh?  Ok maybe not everyone will think it is cool but with my research to back my already sound love for the name... this name goes allllll the back to the early 1700's in my family.  CRAZY huh... and it honestly probably goes back way further, but I hit a snag in my research so that was as far back as I could go. Another name I saw TONNNNNS of times over and over was Jesse.  Crazy all the back in the 1500's cool huh?  Sorry I am sidetracking LOL.)

Crazy Boy Names from the Summer's Family Tree:

1. Whitfield (YES this was a first name)
2.  Marmaduke (my personal favorite bahahahaha)
3. Caley (A name that is so common now days for a girl was used for a boy :D)
4. Eldredge
5.  Dent (Nope not short for anything.  This poor lad was named DENT maybe he had a Dent in his head?!)
6.  Rezin (This little jewel was pronounced 'Reason' as a matter of fact it was even notated on some of the old documents LOL)
7. Jehu (Don't get me to lying!! This was the craziest one I saw out of all the boys. LOL)
8. Billings (Maybe he grew up to be a bill collector?!
9. Ransom (I've notived that a lot of the names were for some reason.  Surely this little guy wasn't held for Ransom and if he was... how much?!?)
10. Sampson (The creek by my house that I grew up in was Sampson creek. Odd.)
11. Enoch (I have heard of the book of Enoch but naming your kid that?!)
12. Azariah (Runner Up craziest name I found!!  It sounds like a version of Mariah and it sounds WAY girlie)
13. Knightingdale (This was used later on I guess to fancy up the name 'Knight' there was also a Knightingale as well.  WOW I think I would have just stuck with Knight.  )

CRAZY Girl names from my family Tree!

1. Viola (maybe they liked to play the Violin?!)
2. Tolia (WOW no uh uh)
3. Dorcas (I can NOT believe someone named their poor daughter this name! )
4. Manassa (I wish I could say this was the worst but it isn't CRAZINESS!)
5. Buler (I don't even know what to say.)
6. Jemima (YESSSS!  I love her pancakes!)
7. Alvira & Alvirie (Sisters. I bet this is another thing they didn't want to share LOL)
8. Achsah (No that is not a typo the name is really Achsah and it was noted that her nickname was Axie.  I wouldn't want to piss off Axie... she plays with axes.)
9. Alviah (Another HORRIBLE spin off of Alvira)
10. Adeline-Rasberry (Ok this one wasn't HORRIBLE but I thought it was abnormal... and I will even go as far as to say I even like it.  What?!?  I loooove raspberries)
11. Peninah (Ok this one takes the cake.  It sounds like an old timers nickname for their vajayjay.  I said it... and it was the most horrible name of the girls!!!)
12. Ovilla (this one doesn't go very far back as a matter of fact this was my great-aunt's name... I never understood it.)
13. Sibila (It makes me think of Russia and Siberia.  Brrrrrr.)

Hope you had fun laughing at some of these names as I had laughing at them when I was looking them up.  So from now on when I say a name like Asa is cute... and someone says it is weird ... I am breaking out the list!  HA HA HA !  Have a great day!!!

-Janice

5 Pounds!

YAY!  I have successfully made my trips to the grocery store, cleared my cupboards of anything too tempting, and triumphantly lost 5 pounds in the first week of this diet!  I can not even describe how excited I am about that!  However, this was Easter weekend(which is why it took me so long to post)  and I think I did as well as I could with all the temptations of chocolate, potato salad, pineapple upside down cake and over delicious temptations.  Although I can not say I completely obstained from all of them... Rather than fail horribly I allowed myself small portions just so I didn't feel deprived.  I know and understand that this is going to take a lot of work mentally, physically and emotionally... Mentally to get my mind set on the idea of eating to survive, physically to withstand all the delectable temptations, and emotionally simply because I am an emotional eater and going through this process does cause depression.  Ask any woman with PCOS they will tell you this condition causes a vicious cycle... an unfair vicious cycle.  Your body automatically gains wait due to creating too much insulin and then being turned into fat... it causes depression which in turn makes you want to eat more... round and round and round.  Enough about the sucky parts... because I feel that something positive has come to me from enduring through this struggle.  I believe that in the end when I am finally blessed with my angels I will love and appreciate them so much more... motherhood will be that much more rewarding for me... because I know what it is like to feel like I am never going to be a mother... the reward in the end will be that much sweeter. 

I have been google-ing off and on in my free time during the holiday.  I have come up with some great ideas for snacks.  That is the hardest thing for me is remembering to eat my snacks... I have developed a horrible eating pattern like my husband... LOL he will eat one large meal per day and then maybe a small snack 6 to 8 hours later... not good if you want to keep your metabolism up.  Anywhoo, here are some of my deas for snacks.

1. "Ants on a log"  SO simple!!  i stalk of celery, some peanut butter and then raisins lined ontop just like they are little ants.  Presto!  And I don't even like celery but have come to like this snack!

2. Apples and peanut butter. :) YUM!

3. Unsweetened Apple Sauce.

4. String cheese.  It can be your best friend, especially if you are on the go!  Throw a couple stick in your purse and out the door you go!  Feel hunger approaching... voila!  Not mention I think they are so much fun to eat!

5. 100 calories popcorn mini bags.  They are pretty yummy!

6. Archer Farms Pomegranate Raspberry Real Fruit Bars.  Some VERY tasty treats I found @ Target with only 65 calories.  I love love love them. 


If you have any other ideas for some nutritious snacks be sure and comment them!!
I won't be able to post again until Monday.  Family Vacay!  I will keep my eyes peeled for some recipes, and will test as many as my Husband will allow !! :))))

Until then... much Love!
Janice

Ah Yes!! I'll be having the PCOS special, Thank you!

I've made a decision to try to adhere to a PCOS friendly diet.  I had absolutely NO idea what I was getting myself into!!  Sure, I figured I would have to cut back my calories, but I didn't realize that I would have to cut back SO much!  I'm a southern girl, as a matter of fact a BIG southern girl... growing up, my family's idea of eating healthy was vegtables slow cooked in animal fat LOL.  I am used to cooking and eating food to please the palate, and not approaching it to just eat to survive.  How do you go from a lifestyle of food bringing you comfort, a hobby to cook it, and a centerpeice to family gatherings or outings with friend,  to simply eating just to sustain life???  This is going to be a complete overhaul on how I look at food, and it will surely take a LOT of motivation.  So the first thing I had to do is get a better idea as to what it meant to eat PCOS friendly.  To sum it all up it is eating low, calorie, low carbohydrate, high in fiber, and low glycemic.  So, no white bread, potatoes, minimal amount of rice, GEEZE there is half of what is in my cupboards right now!  I think the hardest thing that I will have to endure is no pineapple, undeniably one of my absolute favorites!!!  The next hardest thing??  Eating S-I-X times a day... yes you read it right 1....2....3....4....5....SIX!  I barely have time to sit and cook 2 meals a day, and now I have to cook 3 meals and prepare or cook 3 additional snacks!  So I went with my husband today on a hunt for a book I had found online, The PCOS Diet Cookbook.  Of course it would have been to easy if they had it at the bookstore, but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise.  When I came home to look for it on Amazon, I read that it got mostly bad reviews.    So I had to start again using my hand dandy Google search. (I google EVERYTHING! Hah!) So I am learning the things I can and can not eat.  Maybe this will give someone the idea to make some changes in their eating habits to, and help in that motivational department with me. :))  All the same, I thought I would share what I have found. I got all of this info on this handy website. 

Low GI: 55 or less

Medium GI = 56 - 69

High GI = 70 or more

Breakfast Cereals

• 
  
  Low: All-bran 50, Oat bran 50, Rolled Oats 51, Natural Muesli 40, Porridge 58.
• 
  
  Medium: Mini Wheats 58 (NOT the frosted ones NICE try LOL), Nutrigrain 66, Shredded Wheat 67, and Special K (Plain) 69.
• 
  
  High: Cornflakes 80, Branflakes 74, Coco Puffs 77, Puffed Wheat 80, Total 76, Cheerios 74, and Rice Krispies 82

Bread

• 
  
  Low:  Wholegrain Pumpernickel 46, Heavy Mixed Grain 45, Whole Wheat 49, Sourdough Rye 48 & Sourdough Wheat 54
• 
  
  Medium:  Croissant 67, Hamburger bun 61, Pita, white 57, & Wholemeal Rye 62.
• 
  
  High:  White 71, Bagel 72 & French Baguette 95.

Vegetables

• 
  
  Low:  Frozen Green Peas 39, Frozen Sweet Corn 47, Raw Carrots 16, Boiled Carrots 41, Eggplant/Aubergine 15, Broccoli 10, Cauliflower 15, Cabbage 10, Mushrooms 10, Tomatoes 15, Chillies 10, Lettuce 10, Green Beans 15, Red Peppers 10, & Onions 10.
• 
  
  Medium:  Beetroot 64
• 
  
  High:  Pumkin 75, & Parsnips 97.

Snacks & Sweet Treats

(My personal favorite LOL)

• 
  
  Low:  Slim-Fast meal replacement 27, Snickers Bar (high fat) 41, Nut & Seed Muesli Bar 49, Sponge Cake 46, Nutella 33, Milk Chocolate 42, Hummus 6, Peanuts 13, Walnuts 15, Cashew Nuts 25, Nuts and Raisins 21, Jam 51, Corn Chips 42, & Oatmeal Crackers 55.
• 
  
  Medium:  Blueberry muffin 59, & Honey 58.
• 
  
  High:  Pretzels 83, Water Crackers 78, Rice cakes 87, Puffed Crispbread 81, Donuts 76, Scones 92, & Maple flavored syrup 68.  

These are just a few examples!  I encourage you to check out my link to the website and get a lot more information on it.  It is crazy to think that some of the food that you would assume are healthy impacts your bloodsugar so much!  I hope this helps!!  Well, I am off to bed, it has been an eventful day!  God Bless!!!

~Janice.

Why am I doing this??

I am doing this because there are young women out there that may be experiencing some of the same symptoms that I did at a young age. That maybe if I reach one person for them to see that this is worth checking into and save them from the heartache I go through, then it is worth EVERYTHING. I can not even begin to describe the struggles this condition brings on the heart. I've noticed people that have no issues with conceiving dismiss this and blow it off. I am not writing this for them, I am writing this to give courage and empowerment to women suffering from this condition. Had I known as a teenager, what I know now... I would not be struggling in the ways that I am to have a child. Making a difference in other peoples lives means more to me than a none believers stamp of approval. So with that being said, I am standing up and marching forward. I am going to do everything I can to help others know and understand more about what it is like to live with this condition that burdens our bodies, and our hearts!

Facebook has everything but the kitchen sink!

Playing around on Facebook is fun, at least for me. It is a great way to keep intouch with everyone and still keep up with the chaos of everyday life. I hae also figured out that it is a great way to support different businesses and causes. So I, of course, looked up some really neat support groups for PCOS. Like I said before support is way important!! Even if you don't have PCOS yourself, but you know someone who does I can't even begin to describe how encouraging it is to know that there are people that support you, and what you are fighting for. So I thought I would share them with ya, and if you or someone you know has PCOS I would be thrilled you even checked them out. :)

[PCOS Support Group]
[PCOS Awareness]
[PRETTY with PCOS]

Hope ya like them, and be sure and comment back and let me know what ya think!

Have a BLESSED day!
Janice.

Implementing Designism: The Amazing Amanda Kohn

It's late, and surprise surprise I can not sleep. What else should I do but more research!! And boy oh boy I found something so cool!

[Implementing Designism]

I really suggest checking out this amazing website by Amanda Kohn!

I am on the look out for cool things to share with others with this condition, like beauty tips, plus size shopping, and hopefully ideas for living a healthier lifestyle. I am venturing out and taking a forward step in that direction. Lord knows I am addicted to my comfort foods. I have made the decision that having a baby is much more important to me than Granny's Homemade Banana Pudding... although her pudding is pretty fabulous. Maybe this is a way to set my priorities straight, but it is something that I seriously need to do. I can sit around and eat the same number of calories every single day and continue to gain weight leaps and bounds or I can get up and do something about it! Motivation is key, and DH isn't too keen on the idea of healthy cooking LOL. BUT we will do this. One step at a time!

Have a GREAT day everyone!

Janice

Dear PCOS, you won't tear me down!

I have learned to not wear my heart on my sleeve when people ask me when we will have children. I really never thought about sharing my condition with other people, but the older I get the more questions I get asked. The most popular is when I meet new people. They always ask me if I have any children, you know the normal making small talk routine. I wish I could take pictures of people faces when I say no. People are completely caught off guard, because who now days doesn't have children?!? I mean even Brad and Angelina have 27 kids right?? The next question I get is asked is, "Why??" The funny thing is that the inflection that is implied like I don't want children. SO I finally just decided to explain rather than just giving the old reliable answer that God hasn't blessed me with any. I have not met a single person since I was diagnosed that knew about the condition, so it turns into a health class lecture LOL. So I think that this has ultimately pushed me to making this blog, because there are so many people out there that have no idea PCOS even exists. Even more so, there are a lot of people that overlook and dismiss this condition as well. I was talking to one of my best friends on the phone earlier. We were talking about our conditions (bless her heart she is wanting a baby so bad as well please pray for her also) and I was thinking that as long as I can remember I have been at least a little bigger than other girls my age. It wasn't until I hit puberty that I really started to gain a lot more weight. We all know that kids in school are cruel, and that was no exception for me. But knowing now what caused it makes me feel a lot better about it. Me being overweight in school really didn't make much sense. I played sports religiously, loved lifting weights, and I was very active even when I was home. I would spend hours outside shooting basketball, or go hiking through our woods. At one point I was so conflicted about my weight, I only allowed myself to eat Tuna fish every single day. I did lose a little weight but as soon as I stopped that routine it all flooded back. People look at overweight people in a different light. They rarely look past their waistline to see the inner beauty or even the facial beauty. I was very blessed to find a man that saw both, and has stuck right by my side. People often dismiss medical conditions that cause weight gain or even the prevention of weight loss because they think it is just an excuse. I promise if the shoes were on their feet, they would whistle a different tune. PCOS is a real condition, and it is a life altering condition. The most important thing I have learned to have is faith, faith that one day I will hold my very own child, faith that God has his reasons for all of this, and faith that one day there will be a cure.

I mentioned earlier that I had a nice phone conversation with a very dear friend today. This reminds me of another very important thing I have learned. Support. I can not even describe how important it is to have those family and friends that are there for you and support you. If it were not for these people, who knows where I would be. I will be honest, I dive down the occasional "woe is me" spiral of depression. Stop for a moment, look your child in the face and then stop and think about what if you could never have them. It's a bad feeling isn't it? Something more than half of you do not even want to imagine. It really brings things into perspective when you faced challenges. PCOS is no different. So with that being said I ask anyone who follws this, reads this, or passes this on to others... please support PCOS aawareness.

Thanks a million!! <33

Janice.

Here we go...

As a child I had always dreamed of the day I would hold my baby in my arms. I always envisioned it being a moment that I would be overcome with tears of joy and my heart so warm and overflowing with so much love. It was my greatest fear to never be able to become a mother. Being diagnosed with PCOS has been my nightmare come true. After anxiously staring at countless pregnancy test control windows, praying and begging God for a postive sign, it has made it a reoccuring nightmare. Jumping through all the medicinal hoops has not been easy for me. There are good days and there are bad days. Ultimately, it will all be SO worth it in the end, but from where I am standing, I am not seeing a light at the end of this tunnel. I try to be optimistic, and be positive. We have even settled on names, which is amazing because our tastes are polar opposites LOL. i.e. his pick -Jenny & my pick - Harlow or Margo. LOL. Complete opposites. But we have settled on the perfect names for our angels and we can not wait for the day that we get the news that they are on their way!

As of right now I am having to rely completely on medications since mother nature is on a permanent vacation. I am currently taking Provera (Medroxyprogesterone). Medroxyprogesterone is a progestin (a form of progesterone), a female hormone that helps regulate ovulation (the release of an egg from an ovary) and menstrual periods.

I am also taking Clomid (clomiphene). Clomid stimulates the release of hormones necessary for ovulation to occur. It is mainly used for treating female infertility.

Clomid is used to stimulate ovulation (the release of an egg) when a woman's ovaries can produce a follicle but hormonal stimulation is deficient. (all imformation obtained from www.drugs.com) I am scheduled to have an ultrasound done this month as well to ensure that my ovaries are reacting properly to the medication and if need be I will receive an hCG shot to help boost the ability to push an egg out. Human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG) is a hormone that supports the normal development of an egg in a woman's ovary, and stimulates the release of the egg during ovulation.(www.drugs.com)

So I pray that with all of this, that April will be the month!!! We could use a lot of prayers!!!!!

P.C.O.S. defined.

[P.C.O.S]is, according to MayoClinic.com, Polycystic ovary syndrome, the most common hormonal disorder among women of reproductive age. The name of the condition comes from the appearance of the ovaries in most, but not all, women with the disorder — enlarged and containing numerous small cysts located along the outer edge of each ovary (polycystic appearance).

Infrequent or prolonged menstrual periods, excess hair growth, acne and obesity can all occur in women with polycystic ovary syndrome. Menstrual abnormality may signal the condition in adolescence, or PCOS may become apparent later following weight gain or difficulty becoming pregnant.

The exact cause of polycystic ovary syndrome is unknown. Women with polycystic ovary syndrome may have trouble becoming pregnant due to infrequent or lack of ovulation. Early diagnosis and treatment of polycystic ovary syndrome can help reduce the risk of long-term complications, such as type 2 diabetes, heart disease and stroke.

(http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/polycystic-ovary-syndrome/DS00423)

Symptoms:

Polycystic ovary syndrome signs and symptoms often begin soon after you first begin having periods (menarche). In some cases, PCOS develops later on during your reproductive years, for instance, in response to substantial weight gain.

Signs and symptoms vary from person to person, in both type and severity. To be diagnosed with the condition, your doctor looks for at least two of the following:

■Menstrual abnormality. This is the most common characteristic. Examples of menstrual abnormality include menstrual intervals longer than 35 days; fewer than eight menstrual cycles a year; failure to menstruate for four months or longer; and prolonged periods that may be scant or heavy.

■Excess androgen. Elevated levels of male hormones (androgens) may result in physical signs, such as excess facial and body hair (hirsutism); adult acne or severe adolescent acne; and male-pattern baldness (androgenic alopecia). However, the physical signs of androgen excess vary with ethnicity, so depending on your ethnic background you may or may not show signs of excess androgen. For instance, women of Northern European or Asian descent may not be affected.

■Polycystic ovaries. Enlarged ovaries containing numerous small cysts can be detected by ultrasound. Despite the condition's name, polycystic ovaries alone do not confirm the diagnosis. To be diagnosed with PCOS, you must also have abnormal menstrual cycles or signs of androgen excess. Some women with polycystic ovaries may not have PCOS, while a few women with the condition have ovaries that appear normal.

Other conditions associated with PCOS

■Infertility. Women with polycystic ovary syndrome may have trouble becoming pregnant because they experience infrequent ovulation or a lack of ovulation. PCOS is the most common cause of female infertility.

■Obesity. About half the women with polycystic ovary syndrome are obese. Compared with women of a similar age who don't have polycystic ovary syndrome, women with PCOS are more likely to be overweight or obese.

■Prediabetes or type 2 diabetes. Many women with polycystic ovary syndrome are insulin resistant, which impairs the body's ability to use insulin effectively to regulate blood sugar. This can result in high blood sugar and type 2 diabetes. Prediabetes is also called impaired glucose tolerance.

■Acanthosis nigricans. This is the medical term for darkened, velvety skin on the nape of your neck, armpits, inner thighs, vulva or under your breasts. This skin condition is a sign of insulin resistance.

(http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/polycystic-ovary-syndrome/DS00423/DSECTION=symptoms)